3yroldboy version 2.0

I am hereby submitting my proposal for a new version of 3YrOldBoy. He can look something like this:

And follow this pattern:

1. The soles of his feet will be made of swiffer wet jets and automatically replaced swiffer sheets, to avoid the excessive mopping that goes along with version 1.0, because frankly I hate mopping and swore to never do it and well that not really working out for me.

2. The fingernails shall not get dirty. Ever. To avoid the scrubbing that usually takes place with version 1.0

3. Version 2.0 will WANT to bathe and when they get in the shower and Mummy version1.0 says its time to get out v2 will agree to get out and stop being contrary.

4. Version 2.0 will eat. Everything, all the time and not be content with plain macaroni, plain rice, slices of bread, crix, bake, roti and Mauby.

5. When version 2.0 passes gas he will not announce 'SCOOSE ME!!!' to anyone who will listen. He will pass his gas, say excuse me quietly and move on with his life.

6. Version 2.0 will go to bed by 8pm and not wake up until the sun is awake in the sky because Mummy v1 would like to finally get some sleep after 3 years of being awakened every 2 hours thanks.

7. Version 2.0 will not follow mummy v1 into the shower and continue to ask questions like 'Can I watch you a little bit?' or 'Can I have some crix and cheese when you finish please?' or 'What you doin?' because showers are supposed to be relaxing dammit.

8. Version 2.0 will know when to remind his daddy to give him a hair cut so that his daddy doesn't forget and have him looking homeless once a month.

9. Version 2.0 will not want to use every bathroom in every mall/grocery/ cinema/ store in a 2 hour period on a hot Saturday morning.

10. Version 2.0 will not find the last piece of dirt on the earth, walk in it, then walk on his mummys newly vacuumed car seat.

*** Version 2.0 may also come with additional hugs and kisses because everyone loves more hugs and kisses ***

And just for giggles:

Happy Mothers Day!!!!!

First of all to myself, thankyouverymuch. Pat myself on my back. *toot toot* Thats me tooting my own horn. Anndddddd...

To my Daddy (yes my Daddy!), Aunty Taki, Aunty Lystra, Mammy Nice Chile's Grandma, Aunty Jan, Aunty Dalia, Niala, Tanya, Parry, Aunty Joy, Aunty Karon, Marianne, Amanda, Aunty Heather, Aunty Carol, Pat, Aunty Rose, Angie, Beverly's mummy, Winnie at work...hmmm I know I forgetting plenty people I will add more as I remember.

Its a boy!!! No...its a girl?

Yay!! I'm back... I'll talk about where I've been and what I've been doing in a little bit. But first! Is not that Mammy nice chile hasn't done anything stupendous, or cute or funny in the last month you know. Nah is because I like embarassment is why I am finally back. This is finally clear to me.

So on Thursday some bright Mummy at the daycare/preschool decide to send home an invitation for a party on Saturday...steups, suppose I had something to do. Neway so the invitation comes home with Mammy Nice Chile Daddy, now most times I double check eh. Most times, I ask the day care questions after he has told me something, I ask them if they told him about any field trips, any letters, stuff like that nah. Because really, he walks in there to pick up his child and they could tell him the sky falling and he will tell them cool and take his child and leave with no regard for the sky or its status. So he tells me party Saturday, I say for who? Some child name Joel he says. I say *in my head* who the hell is that then I say how old is this Joel. He says 4. I say cool, you will give me the invitation later. Run in the mall, buy a cool little tool set for Joel, with a battery operated power saw, a hammer, some workman's glasses, some 'nails', a screwdriver. A tool set nah.

Great, so party time. We pull up at Pizza Boys, walk in the party some kids start to shout when they see JD so I say 'phew, this must be the right party because I ain't know none ah dese ppl'. So I say ' Go find Joel, give him his present' and another little girl says 'Come, give Jael your present'. Things start to get a little hazy in the room. I start thinking 'This party sure has alot of girls'. I see about 4 little girls pulling another little...girl towards us. I still looking for Joel. Because we have a cute little tool set for Joel remember. Then I see 2 little girls and they keep coming, and I starting to feel sick because one of them is saying 'Jael, come for your present'. And I am still half smiling because Joel must be right behind right? RIGHT? Wronnngggggg!!!!! Its Jael! not Joel! Whyyyy mmmmeeeeeeeee?? Shame. Shame. Shame. So the girl takes her tool set and I follow her, where I meet her mother and explain to her mother that I thought she was a boy and I bought a tool set. Mummy is really gracious, says Jael is a tomboy so she will more than play with it and that I shouldn't worry about it too much. Of course Mammy Nice Chile Daddy is cracking up on the phone, from far the hell away from any kind of embarassment. Steups! Double Steups...